Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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