He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
