You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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