Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i wish my penis had a tongue
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
