I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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