You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Bring me that man meat
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
