The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
