I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
