Having a random hookup so left but love u
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
