Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
