All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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