I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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