and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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