we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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