weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
my being single is dangerous.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
