Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
