we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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