i don't like sucking hair
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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