please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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