I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
