he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
