I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
