I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
