So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
