Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
