If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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