Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
