Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
