You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
