..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
