also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
