hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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