you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
