so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
