I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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