the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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