I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I need to stop coming to work sober
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I need to sanitize my soul.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
