Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Dick very happy bro
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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