Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
