She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
