I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
