Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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