I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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