John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
