no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
