I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
