She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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