the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize