is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
