We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
