Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize