kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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