yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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