this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
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