We named our party play list daddy issues
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You have to summon your inner elephant
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
