apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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