The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
