I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
