Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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