I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize