before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
