I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
