I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
