Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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