yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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