My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
