There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she smelled like a LAN party
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
