just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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