Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
