You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
