I'm going to jail i love you
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
