5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
