u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
